A page header image shows two theater masks, one cranky and one nervous. The title reads: Paranoid & Crotchety. We write larps.

These are the characters in The Exponents of Love. You're probably here because you're filling out a questionnaire and we've asked which ones appeal to you. But if not, don't worry, nothing here is a spoiler.


Kai

Kai is one of the founding members of the party and the first to discover their magical mcguffin relic, which holds the power of souls. Cheerful, outgoing, with their heart on their sleeve, they're usually the first to reach out to strangers, the first to suggest some creative new co-op attack, and the first to cry when something terrible happens. Kai feels everything very intensely but tends to bounce back from tragedy. They dated Avi for a time, then handled it like a champ when Avi dumped them for reasons that have remained private. But they'd always been close to Sorin (the former comrade who betrayed the party last month) and had what seemed like a pretty serious relationship with them. And Kai was the one who killed Sorin. They're not bouncing back from that so fast.

Dartellen

Dartellen, usually just Dar, is another founding member: Kai's old friend and Sorin's foster-sibling. Brilliant, sarcastic, with meddling mom friend tendencies, they're the best cook by far, keep everything organized, take meticulous notes, and have enough dirt on everyone to make them scrub dishes any time they need. And enough cunning to stay two steps ahead of an empire that's ready to kill them on sight. They're a dragon-person, a legacy of an ancient race almost entirely wiped out by god-wars. Their relic holds the power of mind, and they regularly use it to enhance their memory and analytic thinking. They like knowing all the gossip, but stay aloof from the party drama, a champion redirector who rarely shares their own secrets.

Avi

Avi joined the party not long after things started, with Juniper in tow, and as far as anyone knows, they might actually be the runaway heir to the evil empire that's making trouble for everyone. Avi's certainly high-ranking, a pure-of-heart flower of nobility, and came with their stolen relic, giving them the power of energy. They're spoiled sweet, kind and gracious, remarkably calm under pressure, sometimes more than a little passive-aggressive, and they like crime and stupid catchphrases and other very ignoble things. A few months ago, Avi was captured during a shitshow of a battle, and while they seemed to have escaped and returned not long after, it turned out that somebody had created a magical duplicate of them, imbued with their memories and even able to wield their relic. Needless to say, once the party found the real Avi, there was a lot of drama. After the dust settled, Avi's clone, now named Dross, is also with the party, and Avi's been trying to catch up on everything they missed in the last few months.

Juniper

Juniper seems to have known Avi for years, but is pretty much their polar opposite. They're dirt common, awkward, withdrawn, prone to snap-and-run-away outbursts of emotion, recklessly brave, intensely devoted to those who break through their defenses, and have a fierce sense of honor and justice. Their relic has the power of life, making them the party healer when they're not sneaking around getting themselves in trouble, and they've spent many years surviving in the wild and so can save everyone’s asses from getting lost in the wilderness. They've never gotten along well with Kai, though it seems to run deeper than simple jealousy, given that it started before Kai and Avi's brief relationship. Then they finally got together with Avi...not realizing it was actually Avi's clone. Juniper, Dross, and Avi are all spectacularly failing to deal with this in any way whatsoever, and nobody can really blame them.

Hadren

Hadren joined the party as a shivering, starving runaway, clearly escaped from captivity, with their relic already clutched in hand. They didn't have a clear memory of recent events, but that didn't stop them from quickly finding their feet and putting their military background to good use. A powerhouse in battle even without their relic, Hadren can use its power of matter to devastating effect. And their clear sense of tactics and actual combat experience have been invaluable. Hadren usually takes command in a fight, to everyone's relief, but tends to step aside outside of battle and let the party make decisions as a group. Usually they're a solid and reassuring presence, calm and serious, but occasionally that cracks: on a good day for their dorky sense of humor, and on a bad day for their PTSD. They're the sort to always be there for others but never ask for or accept help themselves.

Oshi

Oshi showed up fifteen minutes late with starbucks: wandering out of the woods and joining the conversation like they'd always been there, complete with their relic, which gives them power over space. They're reserved, cryptic, full of random information and extremely dry semi-helpful advice, often a huge troll, and seem to have only about three feelings and/or facial expressions. Despite this, they're a steadfast and very resourceful party member, particularly given their knack for teleporting out of sticky situations. Very little upsets or even ruffles Oshi. They have some sort of history with Hadren, but that's about all anybody has ever been about to figure out about their past, and they often act like they know a lot more about what's going on than they ever let on to others.

Dross

Dross is the newest addition to the party, though they've been around longer as not-actually-Avi than they have as themself. They still have all of Avi's memories, implanted in them when they were created as Avi's clone, and wield the relic with the power of time, which had once been Sorin's. As they might say, with gleeful bitterness, all that's theirs is a made-up name and a string of bad decisions--including hooking up with Kai, which neither of them seems to be dealing with. After the illusion that they were Avi shattered, Dross seems to be busy trying everything in the world to see what they like. And making a point of being aggressively different from Avi if it kills them, which it nearly has at least once.